Not otherwise specified. That sounds very non specific, but it is actually very exact...
7.5 years ago my sweet little son Landon was born. He was so perfect. Calm and smiley. Not a peep out of him. Perfect strangers would tell me how good he was. He went with the flow and didn't seem bothered by our busy lifestyle. And we were VERY busy! He never dumped his food or blew baby food at me when he ate. I had a major love affair with him. We could spend all day cuddling! He made all of his first year milestones. At least I though he had...
The pediatrician asked me at his 18 month check how many words he was saying? The answer was simple.. none. Not a peep out of him except for his deep belly laughs. No Mama or Dada... Just giggling and laughing. I knew at that moment that something was off. I like to talk. I talk about everything and anything and nothing at all. I mean I really can talk. My other two sons talked early and often. The only other non-talker was my husband. My babies talk... So the hair stood up on the back of my neck when I answered that question. Zero... no words at all. He just laughed a lot. It was music to my ears all the time. He has the greatest laugh... even still!
That started our journey... the journey that has changed my life. It has given me some of my proudest moments and sent me into the deepest of shames. It has defined me and my life. It made happy go lucky seem so un important. It was a crystal clear snapshot that things that are important are worth the fight. It gave me perspective. I took the norm for granted. I still love to watch this little boy sleep. It is then that I know he is just like everybody else. He looks so sweet... And he is... Every single decision in my life is somehow impacted by him... And he is worth it...
So for most of the last 7.5 years I have felt judged. That kid needs some discipline, she should spank him. She should ground him or take things away or reward him or create a chart for him. I should read this book or that book... I should try this parenting method. I should get him a pet. take a pet away. I should make accomodations and I shouldn't do anything with him that I didn't for the others. I should add locks, take away locks. I should put him in a sport, keep him out of a sport, not let him quit a sport. He needs more toys, less toys, more inside time, more outside time. I should have more patience or less patience. I should put him on a leash. I have had a lot of free advice. A speech therapist once told me that I shouldn't give him a drink until "he asked for it". Stop letting his brothers talk for him. He is your third child. he is boy. If I followed all the advice he would be beaten, alone, and dead from dehydration. He did not speak until he was 3 1/2. That is a LONG TIME to wait for a drink. You see his brain is not like others. He couldn't talk. He could think the words and his mouth could move, but the signal that connected the two was missing. Landon and My Dad who had a stroke learned to talk or re learn to talk the same way. One utterance, one sound, one syllable one word at a time. Some words took years. The word "the" came around 5 years old. He still can't say extension at 7.5. Normally this is not a big deal... Except Landon's favorite toy is a good sturdy bright orange extension cord. Who knew that one child could do so many things with an extension cord... the judgement is brutal. I see it in their eyes. They don't judge me nearly as harshly as I judge myself.
Lando is quirky. He rode a two wheel bike at 18 months old. He loves anything with wheels. He did not know how to play with toys. He has no imagination. Everything is literal to him. He LOVES vacuum cleaners. All kinds. Steam cleaners, bagged, bag-less, dust buster, canister, and shop vacs. He loves them all. He rally wants a custodian grade backpack canister vac like they use at the school. He loves all of the attachments. Long handles, stair cleaners. He LOVES tools. If they plug in and make messes all the better. He can then use his vacuum cleaner plugged into and extension cord to clean up! For Christmas he has gotten a variety of vacuums, a leaf blower, a weed wacker, a stack of lumber which he used to build a tree house, a bicycle ramp. At the age of 7.5 he rides a big bike with gears and he knows which gears to use when. Landon is brilliant. I mean really brilliant. He has fixed our washing machine and taken apart a garbage disposal for a neighbor when he was three (they were remodeling). He has this pesky little learning disability... It keeps him from reaching his true brilliance. It goes back to that disconnect in the brain. He has recall issues. He can finally read some things but doesn't know what he reads a lot of times. He can focus on the process of reading or he can hear the story. It is hard to do both!
And this is the NOS part. Not otherwise Specified. He is not autistic, but he is not NOT autistic. He is quirky and brilliant and lovable and frustrating and brilliant. I love him completely.... He has pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified. Aka... pdd-nos. Which I have figured out means that he is quirky. And I love him...
